February 26, 2009

I've almost completed my month of NO chips. I am beyond thrilled with myself that I did it. I get hungry when I see a bag in the store but I've started to realize it's not just me who has gone the entire month without them. Every member of my household has also gone without them. I like to think that it's to support me, at least the older ones who can shop. It makes me feel better about it all.

Yesterday I sat down and reorganized a lot of my writing things because I haven't felt very organized. I ordered a travel guide that I've been putting off requesting from Scotland. I am excited waiting for it but realize that it could take a couple weeks. Luckily I am not to the point where they are necessary to the story. I need to print out some pictures that I want to put in my inspiration journal. These are pictures of places that have truly inspired me in this book writing process and that I'd love to be able to look at to inspire specific spots in the story.

I spent about an hour working on my index cards idea as well. Instead of having a printout of the character bio I decided to put them on index cards that way I can just grab them and keep them in front of me instead of having to search for them. I have that box I blogged about and it's organized by the 3 stories I've been working on so I know where everything is.

As for my weight loss, according to my wii fit I've not lost much but I dont' mind. I can feel differences in my body and that's what I care about most right now.

new medicine

As someone who has only occasionally worked out for my entire life finding something I like has made me actually work out 6 days in a row now. Last night my calves were a bit tight and my back sore. I took 1/2 of a pill of my new medicine because it said it could make me groggy. My calf pain disappeared entirely and my back pain was a little better. I still feel a tad bit foggy today but maybe because I stayed up until I was exhausted and woke up before I wanted to. According to the wii fit this morning my water weight is going away now so my weigh in tomorrow should hopefully reflect a weight loss but if it doesn't I won't beat myself up. Today I'll do 30 minutes of wii fit and WATP.

day 5 with my fit

So I've had my wii fit since Tuesday and done it every day. I'm waiting for the kids to get bored with it for the day so that I can do the 30 minute free walk. Yesterday I did the 6 minute hula hoop challenge while listening to Tom Jones and I have to say his music seems ideal for that. I don't think I can do that one again today because my left calf is pretty sore.

Today I went to pick up the new medicine that I'm being trialed on in an effort to control my fibromyalgia. I hope this one works because I cannot handle much more of this. There are weeks when it just exists as a dull ache in my back but then there are times, like now, when it hurts so badly that I just want to give up, climb in bed and stay there until it stops. It usually throws me off when I'm in the midst of attempting to lose weight. The exercise will wear me down and cause a flare of immense proportions and I'll be incapacitated. I would like to try the new med now but it can cause drowsiness and I'm the only one home with the midgets at the moment.

I think the horrible thing about this week is while I feel like I accomplished a lot this week I feel like M and I were off track which is my fault because I didn't feel well one day and it just wasn't happening like I wanted it to this week. I feel so bad because she had a rough week and I'm supposed to be her workout buddy and friend and I've been utterly absorbed in my own world.

Okay the challenge has gone out and I must go prove that I am capable of rhythm boxing on my wii fit. Wish me luck...against a 6 year old who is a sore winner.

ETA: I won and he's cool with it. He likes a challenge and being in 1st would have made him happy but having a goal to try to beat me makes him REALLY happy.

I did 1 mile WATP Express today and I thought it would be easy because I do the 1 mile with M but this is a different 1 mile and it kicked my ass. I'm such a wuss

it's cold

Yesterday it was a breezy 55ish and today I wake up to have to scrape snow off the car. Yuck.

Yesterday I took Penelope to the vet for the first time since we got her 2 months ago. She was given shots and proclaimed to be a healthy cat. We discussed fixing her around the beginning of June and then we discussed declawing. He said he doesn't recommend doing it at all. I told him I had no intention of mutilating my cat just to benefit my furniture. The practice is barbaric and should be outlawed anyway.

Declawing is not like a manicure. It is serious surgery. Your cat's claw is not a toenail. It is actually closely adhered to the bone. So closely adhered that to remove the claw, the last bone of your the cat's claw has to be removed. Declawing is actually an amputation of the last joint of your cat's "toes". When you envision that, it becomes clear why declawing is not a humane act. It is a painful surgery, with a painful recovery period. And remember that during the time of recuperation from the surgery your cat would still have to use its feet to walk, jump, and scratch in its litter box regardless of the pain it is experiencing. Wheelchairs and bedpans are not an option for a cat. (copied and pasted from declawing.com)

I was hoping to go to water aerobics today but the snow is falling at a steadier pace and just makes it seem colder. I think I'll do the wii fit and curl up with a movie. I've had this movie for about 2 weeks now and at first couldn't watch because my DVD player was broken. I have no replaced it but haven't had time. I will watch it at some point today.

blah

Today has been a very rough day mentally. The boys are very hyper and whiny which is a horrid combo. Fights and falls and crying and even more crying and more whining.

I am more than halfway to my chip goal of not having any in all of February. I find myself wanting them less and think I will only allow myself to have them at most once a week, preferably once every couple of weeks.

milestone

M and I completed our first full week of exercise. I think it's working well. We both admitted there were days we only did the exercise because of the other person. I know I need to exercise and take better care of myself but that doesn't mean I want to do it. I do feel better though. Monday I'll weigh in at her house and go from there.

I have started realizing what meals I would really use chips for and realize that what I was consuming in terms of chips was horrible. I could eat an entire bag myself and not because I was hungry but just because I like them and they were there. IF I add them back into my diet I will only have them for picnic type food or a sandwich. The unfortunate part of my challenge to myself is that because I can't have chips I do not want to go to Subway since I always eat chips with a sub.

behold

Usually the power of a nap is rejuvenating and refreshing (other than the weird breath) and you feel great. Not so much today. I could go back to sleep still. Very disconcerting to me.

very excited

Okay so today Eric brought home this box that I guess is supposed to be used for bills but I already have a way of organizing the bills that has worked for me quite well for the last few years and I don't see a need to change it just because I got a fancy little box.

So while rewatching the series 4 doctor who finale I took a lot of my stuff on the 3 stories I've been working on and put it into this box. I have my map of central Cardiff in a slot, 1 with pencils, notecards on 1 story in 1, another story in yet another slot, information on publishing, writing a query, information on Wales, specific gardens, Scotland. I'm really thrilled with it. Also as an added bonus I started writing again. Not the short story, although I did find something I'd written about a year ago that made no sense to what I'd written at that point but which totally fits the short story. I am so absolutely thrilled. My mojo seems to be flowing. I'm also working out a plan to save the money on my own to get a mini laptop to write with.

working towards

So today I went to M's house and we started our new routine. We did 1 mile of WATP which was fun because I had someone else to help me mock it. Yes I know I need it but the conversations held during it are ridiculous. We just had fun. I enjoy M's company even if her cat thinks I should pet her while I am doing calf stretches. It was great having someone to workout with who I didn't feel weird exercising in front of. Going to the gym always feels awkward because everyone there is thin (or so I perceive) and I'm not.

While watching Biggest Loser tonight they kept referring to having a partner to workout with and someone who wanted what you wanted and wanted it for you just as badly as for themselves. It makes me even happier that M found me. It is so great to have someone just a couple of blocks away who I can hang out with and workout with and who knows what I'm going through.

tired of it

Never there...tired of that.
When you want to talk it's never to me...tired of that.
When I ask about it there is no answer...tired of that.
You never ask me...tired of that.
Emotionally abandoned...tired of that.
Lack of connection...tired of that.
Being asked for more than is offered...tired of that.

February 1

Okay so no chips...wtf was I thinking. I am completely addicted...need them. This month will be long. I will give myself a new scale if I get through the month.