updated updated raisin

updated raisin

I am counting my biosheet in there even though it will not go into the finished product but I'm still proud of it and I need to write daily and I didn't write on the story except a few edits.

latest

Okay so I haven't had a chance to vlog lately. First I couldn't find the camera and then it needed to charge and then it charged but I've been busy and a bit embarrassed. I'd been doing good with working out and eating better, no massive weight loss but a ton of inches. My progress up to now is that I haven't had any pop in 24 days or so, 16.5 inches lost since the end of January, 8 pounds lost in that same time. I had lost more but with my horrible eating habits this week after a double birthday party and Easter I gained right back to where I was...good news though is that I maintained that weight for a week instead of gaining more. Last week I didn't exercise as much as I have been. I think I only exercised 3 times instead of 6 times. I feel awful and know I messed up. Yesterday I planned to work out and didn't. Instead I used the excuse to myself that the power could go out from the storm. I'm going to start back tonight though, no excuses. If I have to I will work out at midnight but I'm doing it. Shame on me. Without actively hanging out with my workout buddy I have no one but me to be accountable to and that just isn't working out for me.

On the plus side, thanks to a couple of people, specifically Dave, I've gathered more info on Glasgow for the book. I didn't write yesterday but I did quite a bit of research that I need to wade through to see how to apply it first

woo hoo

Writing progress!!!

I've spent a lot of today reworking a story I've been working on. I even got twitter permission from the author of Jemima J to use the first and last lines in my story. I did a bit of research, sent a list of questions to someone from Glasgow and wrote a bit so I'm going to post my little raisin guy...

How I see myself

I was supposed to write this over the weekend but had no chance. Here goes:

When I was 17 and 135 pounds I thought I was perfectly built. I felt fantastic about myself, might have liked to have a bigger chest but I never lacked for attention. I felt gorgeous and happy with my physical appearance. I maintained my weight and never exercised or watched what I ate.

10 years later at 27 and I was 160 pounds with a much larger chest (natural) and feel like dirt. I've got a jelly belly and I feel enormous. I still get attention but I no longer feel good about me. I think everyone is lying to me when they say I look great but maybe if I walked a bit the flab would firm and I'd feel better.

Today...Oh god today. I'm 30 years old right now. I'm approximately 225 pounds and looking back on the old me I realize that in high school I was far too skinny. I had no idea what I really looked like even then. I looked in the mirror and saw a pretty girl but I didn't see that I really looked sickly. My wrists were so thin that a child's watch was nearly too big and my hip bones stuck out. I may have been cute but I was not the picture of health I believed myself to be. At 160 I was not ideal either, mostly because I didn't properly take care of my body. I smoked, drank a ton of pop, NEVER exercised. I truly think that if I had chosen to exercise at that point in my life like I do now I would have been able to attain the ideal body for me which may have been at the same weight but much more tone. Today I realize I don't see myself like I really am. I know a girl who is approximately the same size as I am but I see her as much smaller than me. If I had to venture a guess I would say that I probably see myself as about 50-75 pounds heavier than I really am. Why is that? I don't want to get to my ideal weight and still see myself as fat/obese/overweight. I want to view myself correctly but don't even know how.

Today I don't smoke, drink no pop and limit my tea. I'm walking and exercising almost every day. I have big plans for myself and I am feeling good about me but I just can't help but see more than is really there. I can't even begin to understand why I can't see me and not an overgrown version of me.