guess what?

I don't want to blog today and you can't make me.

A smartass 11 year old just pointed out to me that posting this means I blogged...he's grounded and I'm going to lock him in the dungeon for a week. (please don't call child services...I promise to feed him)

challenging myself AGAIN

Okay so this week I decided to challenge myself to cut all caffeine out entirely by drinking only water. I then modified that to include 1 cup of milk with dinner and then I thought hot tea is relaxing to me so I modified it to include 1 cup of hot tea per day. Yesterday I only had 1 cup of hot tea with 1 tsp of sugar and 1/2 cup of milk along with about 1/2 gallon of water with lemon juice to prevent retention. Today I made it until 4 when I needed the tea to prevent falling over. I'm so caffeine addicted that it woke up me almost instantly. Still drinking water but added a flavor packet to it which was only 5 calories with no sodium or sugar.

After this I'll be doing 1 mile, some wall pushups and some ab exercises for my activity today.

I'm still really tired and will try to blog better tomorrow. I will be working on a vlog tonight so check my youtube channel later.

modifying plan

So I got this Walk away the pounds book at the library and decided to mostly follow the plan inside for exercise. I will just be doing the walks she says to on each day and then doing whatever else I want to do. There are 42 days in all and I will be starting tomorrow. I would finish this on May 10th and would then start C25K on May 11th which is 10 days late but I would have a good reason to delay the start.

Not much to really say today. I have to work again and I'm exhausted.

Questionnaire

I read a blog by a fellow twitter person where she answered a questionnaire given by a woman named Jean Fain before she agrees to take on clients. I think she is a hypnotherapist and not a trainer. I thought they were great questions and thought I would try to answer them for myself and thought my blog was a great way to share the answers.

1. Where do you get your energy from? What are you passionate about?

Unfortunately I don't tend to have much energy. I can get energized by things such as a great workout or something good to eat. I am noticing an increase in energy with exercise.

I am passionate about so many things. One of the things I am most passionate about are gay rights. I am horrified by how people can treat other people and would love to see a more unified world in my lifetime regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, handicap, religion. It's sad how hateful people are.

2. Think back to the last time you were comfortable in your own skin. What was different about that time (attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, mood, energy, passion)?

The last time I was comfortable in my own skin was about 8 years ago. I was 22 and single and confident because I knew I had a reason to feel good about myself. I wasn't actively exercising but I was very busy and active, going hiking in the woods, waiting tables and going dancing. I had a lot of friends who were always around and I had incredible amounts of energy.

3. What is your ideal weight (even if it seems unlikely)? Your desired weight (the weight you think you could probably achieve)? Your tolerable weight (the highest weight you could live with, even if you might be disappointed)?

My ideal weight is 145 to 150, which I think is the best weight for my frame. I think I will achieve this. I could tolerate weighing 160 as at 160 I didn't look bad I was just soft so if I could accomplish a toned 160 I would be completely satisfied. I have put a lot of thought into this and know what I want in terms of my goal weights.

4. How did you come up with your desired weight? Why do you want to weigh this specific weight?

In high school I weighed 135 pounds. I thought I looked fantastic and maybe I did back then but looking back on pictures of myself I was incredibly skinny and have no desire to be that thin again. That was a girl's body and I now have a woman's body, complete with hips and breasts. I chose my desired weight because it's a midway point between where I was first unhappy with my body and where I was satisfied and I think if I were tone and fit I could look a lot better than I did when I thought I was hot shit.

5.
●How achievable is your desired weight?
Anything is achievable if you work hard enough. I definitely plan to work hard enough.

●When were you last at your desired weight?
I was last there a bit less than 3 years ago.

●How hard do you think it would be to stay at this weight?
I do not think so. I think once I reach that stage my dietary changes

●Would your tolerable weight offer the same benefits?
Yes it would. I am already at increased risk for diabetes and being an overweight woman puts me at risk for all kinds of lovely health issues and I want to live a long and healthy life so getting myself. I would be bordering right at the overweight range but I'd be a hell of a lot healthier than I am now.



6. How would your life differ if you reached your desired weight? What could you do that you can’t do now?
My life would differ because I think I would snore less, sleep better and I would be more mobile and flexible. Getting in shape would help to decrease my body aches and pain from fibromyalgia and so I am hopeful getting my body into great shape would help put my fibro into remission.

7. What things that you don’t do now because of your weight might you be able to start doing sooner than later?
I would dress in better clothing, not Eric's reject tshirts that are baggy on me but hide the fact that I look pregnant with my big gut. I would also jog and not feel self-conscious. I would also go swimming in public without hiding.

8. What obstacles are in the way of eating healthfully, losing weight?
The biggest obstacle in my way has been me for the last 3 years. I self-sabotage by snacking late and eating too many chips. It doesn't help that I'm not a great cook but am a fantastic baker. I'm working much harder now. I've been forcing myself to exercise and tonight will be trying 30 day shred for the first time.

9. Of these obstacles, which need attention immediately? Which are a lower priority and can be attended to over time? What are some ways around the highest priority obstacle?
All of these should become high priority. Tomorrow I am challenging myself to drink nothing but water all day for a week except for 1 cup of milk with dinner. I am debating 1 cup of tea with breakfast but think I shouldn't do that either. I just need to start making me a much higher priority.

10. What are opportunities to take better care of yourself and energize/impassion yourself that you are currently not making the most or anything of? Which could you begin to take advantage of today? This week? This month? List three such opportunities/activities you will take advantage of in the next 90 days.
I have a gym membership that rarely gets used. I also have a treadmill and a few other pieces of exercise equipment in my basement. This week I will use my gym membership 2 times at least. I will utilize the workout videos at the library and use my wii fit at least 4 days a week to do the yoga. Starting May 1st I will be utilizing the Couch to 5k program with Eric and possibly Amanda and Blake.

diet

I thought it would be good to blog about why I am not going to do a real diet. I would like to lose weight by modifying my current dietary habits. I am not a poor eater just a bit of an overeater. I like good food and so do the people I live with. I do want to try healthier but I cannot follow a diet like Atkins or South Beach. I have a big household and so I cannot put them on a diet with me nor can I afford to go on a diet and feed them too. Therefore adding in healthy recipes to the meal plan and picking up healthier snacks and being mindful of portion size is what will be best for us as a family.

I now have to edit my vlog which you can find at http://www.youtube.com/user/nessapaige

Eat This, Not That

So I am not a calorie counter. I just try to make sure that I make better choices for myself and eat a bit less than I would have. Yesterday I picked up the Eat This, Not That book at the library. This version contains mostly restaurant options but there is a supermarket version I have requested at the library and think I might end up buying if it's as nice as this one.

Today for lunch Eric calls and says he is having taco bell would I like some. I thumb open the book and see that I can get the Fresco Steak Taco x2 and it's less than 400 calories. It is unfortunately high in sodium but I don't salt anything I cook so I tend to stay really low on that daily anyway so the occasional high sodium day shouldn't be too bad. I have yet to eat them but I hope they are good. Food's here.

Wow. I don't know that I've been this tired during the daytime before. Today is the third day I've been this tired. I've been taking vitamins and they do not appear to be helping at all. I think I must be slowly coming down with something because today I also have a headache.

I got off here last night to read a little before I went to sleep and instead I watched some stuff on DVR including last nights Biggest Loser. If Tara had not won immunity last night I have no doubt she would have gone home. I really am hopeful that Mike wins it all. I knew without a doubt that Aubrey would do what she did when she went home and gain some.

Yesterday a woman posted on freecycle what she described as: I have a thing.. not sure what it is.. it's not really a bike. You sit on it and pull a one piece handle bar towards you. You can change the resistance from easy to harder. it doesn't seem like it would be hard but you get going on this thing and it will cause you to be out of breath after a few repetitions. I asked her if it could possibly be a rowing machine and told her I'd take it. I can't get the van started again but am trying to find someone who could possibly go pick it up for me. I'm excited to get it because I really like the rowing machine. I hate using it at the gym because it's on the top level and there is usually someone on it and so I don't get to use them very often. I can't wait to get it. I will likely use it tonight if I get it home today.

ETA: Okay now I see why she compared it to a bike. It's actually a Weslo Cardioglide. Not quite a rower but should still do what I want.

oh my

I am so incredibly tired today which shocks me. I've been taking my vitamin again and don't feel I should feel so tired if I've been a good girl. I've been doing my wall pushups and my shoulders hurt but I'm not stopping them. I'll just cut back until I feel a bit better.

This morning I did my wii body test and I've come down 2 pounds but that's still where I was before I kicked it in gear. I won't really count loss until I'm below 220 at least. I'm hoping that's soon.

Yesterday on twitter I asked for some book recommendations from some of the youtube girls I follow. One of them recommended several books and I requested them from the library. I got most of them and then some. My list that I picked up today is in the sidebar in my bookshelf widget. Not all of the books are weight related. I'm currently working on the Half-Assed memoir book. I'll let you know what i think

goals

I have been setting monthly goals in an effort to try to guide myself to a healthy weight loss. My March goals will not be met and therefore I decided to get an early start on April's. I am posting them now:

Weight goal:
215 pounds by April 30 (Yesterday when I weighed in I was up 5 pounds from where I had been which is almost back to my highest weight but I've also lost nearly 9 inches so I guess the weight is muscle)

Nutrition:
Improve my fruit/veggie/protein intake
Cut back on carbonated beverages
Increase water intake from current 0 ounces to 64 ounce minimum per day

Fitness goals:
Exercise 5 days per week
Sources of exercise to include:
Walk away the pounds
Wii Fit w/body test daily
Gym 2 days per week
Outdoor walking/jogging
Daily wall pushups leading to floor pushups

Fitness goal to reach by April 30:
10 real pushups
3 mile WATP by the end of April to prepare for May goal

Purchase goal:
New runners
Sports bra

To come in May:
Start of Couch to 5k training.

*yawn*

Woke up did wall pushups and now I've walked through town 2.2 miles. I jogged a bit here and there but to be honest I am not particularly equipped to jog without a heavy duty sports bra. I am adding that to my list but hate the idea of buying something that I'll shrink out of. Okay need to lay down for a bit

falling pants and holding the wall up

So last night I noticed that the jelly doughnut I call my stomach is much smaller. My love handles are smaller and when I touch them I can feel that. I am so fascinated by my new shape. It's fantastic. I still have a very long way to go but I'll get there one day. Just wanted to share that.

I've done my wall pushups twice today and will do them as much as I can during the party today.

Guests are here. Gone.

My kryptonite

I took the dietgirl book back to the library today and feel really sad to have given it back. I have her blog to follow but the book caused me to have my own sort of 'oh shit' moment. I did pick up two other books today that I think may be similar, one is 'Fat Girls and Lawn Chairs' by Cheryl Peck and the other is 'The Fat Girl's Guide to Life' by Wendy Shanker. I'll let you know what I think of them later.

So I thought I would make a list of the things I know cause my trouble in my weight loss endeavors. These are items that I overeat or that even though they are good for me I use in excess making them bad for me. I do not want to give up ALL of these items but feel that if I put it out there maybe I'll finally get it.

Item #1 is chips/crisps. I can't get enough of these greasy little fried bits of potato. I don't even like baked chips so switching there isn't an option. I have a particular weakness of Ruffles Cheddar Sour Cream or the cheesy Lay's. Today I stopped at BP to get J a drink and ended up with a bag of Ruffles which I promptly chowed down on before I got to the library. Shame on me. My spell without chips taught me nothing.

Item #2 is bacon. I honestly feel I would have been a vegetarian long ago if it were not for bacon. I like bacon mixed with eggs, bacon mixed with salad, bacon sandwiches, BLT, BLT with avocado, just plain bacon. I will admit I have to have it crispy and do bake it most of the time so that helps keep it at least a bit healthier. I will bake it on my broiler pan so the grease falls down. This is not even a weekly indulgence but I could eat a whole pack alone if given opportunity.

Item #3 is tea. I could drink tea all day long. I usually keep a gallon of iced tea in the fridge as well as a couple cuppas a day. Complete with sugar and milk this is not good for me. I loves me some PG Tips.

I am sure there are many more things on this list but this is a pretty rough start.

I need to measure in on my new charts and I think I'll do that Sunday or Monday. I'd like to find a way to include links to them here but I don't know if that is possible. If I have any readers and any of them are tech savvy can you let me know if there is a way to link excel spreadsheets to blogger?

new direction and goals

I read a book yesterday called 'the amazing adventures of dietgirl' by a woman named Shauna Reid. I've never been as large as her but I identified with almost every word. I needed that kick in the pants. I'm tired of being this skinny girl trapped in a fat suit. I still have some sexy knickers shoved in the back of the drawer to remind me how I used to be. I haven't pulled them out in ages and today I pulled out a pair of my current and those and laid the old ones on top of the new ones and OMG I'm fat. I knew it but seeing that sort of visual bugged me.

Shauna Reid has her dietgirl blog still up and posted resources, one of which is a weight tracking spreadsheet and I downloaded that to track my progress. M created one for me yesterday that will track my inches lost as well in 10 week intervals. I am hopeful I keep this up like I need to. I have decided to give myself the weekend to relax and do whatever and starting Monday I'm back into it full swing. I may still exercise over the weekend but I'm not going to worry so much about the calorie intake. Tomorrow is a party here at my house and I'm going to eat cake. I'm also going to start to blog more often about my progress and various ups and downs. I promise to even post the bad.

normalcy

My computer issues are resolved thanks to some major help from several people. Not sure why I was so terrifed of a reformat. Computer is running great, saved my stuff. It is a slight hassle to reinstall everything but oh well.

Measure/weigh in today but I am thinking after my horrid leg pains last week I won't have any progress. Post later

horrible Thursday

Yesterday I woke up to find that my virus scan said NO errors and my Malware scan read 8!!!!!!!!! I fixed them and rebooted...when I rebooted I got a blue screen. The only way I am currently able to use my PC is with Ubuntu which I loaded up to try to move my important things to my secondary harddrive. I am so stressed.

grr

Have to go quick because the lady is due to call any minute to increase my cable modem speed and give me a free month of Skinemax....ahem Cinemax. Pervert!

Anyway, I don't know what I did to my legs but they are so incredibly sore I can barely sit, stand, walk or even lay. It's horrid pain ALL the time. Taking a break from exercise is nice physically but mentally I am at war with myself and sad. Why is it I finally figure out what I need to do and then overdo it? Not to mention any progress will be undone because I can't do a thing....grrrr just sad.

seriously disappointed

So I started this weight loss journey for real about 6 weeks ago. I really started over a year ago but lost all measurements in that time. I do have a measurement set from September, January 25 and today. If there is no number in the first column I did not measure it in September but here's where it stacks up:

Weight 236/227/227.3
BMI 37/35.6/35.67
waist 50/46/45
at belly button /43/43.5
hips 51/49/48
chest 45/44/43
below bust /37.5/36
thigh 31/30.5/29
calf 16/15/16
bicep 13/14/13
neck 15/15/15

Last January I was about where I am now and in the course of less than a month lost 15 pounds just from exercise. I got sick and gained it back.

Why is it 6 weeks of less snacking, no chips, exercise most days leads me NOWHERE. I failed and I feel like dirt. Why bother ya know?

March

OH MY! I did it. I didn't have any chips at all in February and they weren't that great when I did have them. I won't lie I liked them but I think I can go longer without them.

I didn't meet most of my goals in February weight wise. I appear to have lost NO weight but I can tell I'm at least becoming more fit because my clothes fit differently and I feel better.

I need to do WATP every day instead of just the wii fit since it's a lot of waiting with the wii fit.

I had a lot to say and now I forget most of it.